What I Discovered About Self-Sabotage
I had a pivotal moment that brought clarity into my life. I watched some YouTube videos about health, wellness, and weight loss since I enjoy watching what people talk about.
I came across this video where this woman talked about weight loss plateaus and how to get out of them. She mentioned one reason why women hit a plateau is what we tell ourselves. She talked about cognitive dissonance. This is when a person holds conflicting beliefs, attitudes, values, or behaviors. There is a discrepancy between thoughts and emotions or behaviors, and it creates this psychological discomfort that people feel strongly motivated to resolve.
Let me give you an example of what is happening to me now. I have two conflicting beliefs. One, I want to lose my last 20 pounds as I go through menopause. Two, I can’t lose my last 20 pounds, especially with menopause (sounds familiar?)
I was losing weight, and it was working; this was with my first belief: I want to lose 20 pounds as I go through menopause. But subconsciously, I had the other idea I couldn’t lose weight, especially with menopause, which was creating this conflict.
My brain was looking to resolve this conflict, and the easiest way to do this is…...
Self-sabotage my weight loss efforts
This meant I would subconsciously stop doing the things that allowed me to lose weight, which I lost my first 5 pounds since January.
I began cutting back on my healthy eating habits. I ate out more and slacked off on my exercise routine, just enough that my progress stalled, and I proved myself right that it was hard to lose my last 20 pounds, especially with menopause.
I told myself, “This is as good as it gets for me. I will never be 20 pounds lighter. It is time to give up trying to lose weight and accept it.”
My Pivot
In order for me to change this way of losing weight, I first had to tune into my thoughts and what I was saying to myself. I knew enough about how to lose weight since I lost 40+ pounds in my 40s. I thought I was in tune with my thoughts and feelings. But I was wrong—this was my Aha moment.
This was one of the missing pieces I needed to continue my weight loss goals. Here is what I am doing right now.
My Plan:
Detach from these thoughts that are keeping me stuck. That means not having two conflicting beliefs. I can’t tell myself I want to lose 20 pounds while in menopause, but then tell myself I can’t lose 20 pounds, especially with menopause.
Begin questioning why I wasn’t moving forward.
For example, when I asked myself, “What am I afraid of if I reach my goal?” And my answer blew me away! I said to myself…
Once I reach my weight goal, I have no more weight to lose; what do I focus on next? What the Fx&#! does that mean?
I have been struggling with my weight since my late 20s, so that is 30 years, 30 years! This struggle has been with me throughout my adult life and is a part of me. Finally, resolving this struggle to lose weight is a big weight on my mind (no pun intended, and I didn’t even know it.
I am now working on my thoughts around this.
How this helps you
We all have struggles and roadblocks, and we self-sabotage ourselves in the middle of our progress. This doesn’t mean you are weak, lazy, or incapable of losing weight or being healthy. What it does mean you need to address those roadblocks with questions that bring you closer to what is keeping you stuck, so you can move forward.
If you need guidance or perspective, I am here for you. I like to consider myself a role model. A woman who is just 2 steps ahead of you but knows enough to pass down what I learned so you can avoid my mistakes, like this one I shared with you.
I offer a free 20-minute chat with me where we talk about what you are struggling with and what are some ways you can resolve it.
Until next time, be well
Lisa,
Wellness Coach for Midlife Women