Weight Loss Success Involves Practicing Self-Love
How many of you were told to, “Reduce calories and exercise more,”in order to lose weight?Well, let me say, it is far from the truth. Okay, maybe it’s orbiting around the truth, but it’s not all of it.
I bet you are always looking for ways to lose weight and be a healthier you but nothing seems to be sticking. Weight loss commercials seem to provide quick and easy solutions. They don’t tell you the truth, though, about other things you need to do in order for their product to be successful and that is usually being on a restrictive diet and lots of exercises.
Let me tell you, this is not the way to lose weight or be healthy. In fact, there is another way that will bring you long-lasting results and that is self-love.
So today I’m going to talk about the, what, why, and how to use self-love.
WHAT IS SELF-LOVE + WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?
Self-love is a mindset. It is defined as, “A state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.” (Source: Brain & Behavior Research Foundation)
In other words, self-love is expressed by how we appreciate ourselves by taking the time to meet our needs. When you are too busy doing something for others you forget what’s crucial, which is doing something for yourself.
Society has put a target on us, constantly labeling women as caregivers. Women are also sent repeated messages about how we need to be there for everyone and make sure they are supported physically and emotionally. Our needs are regularly put on the back burner and if we place our needs ahead of our loved ones then we are labeled selfish.
But I am here to tell you this isn’t true! You need to take care of yourself because if you don’t take care of yourself then who will? And if you are not in this mindset of loving and supporting yourself mentally and physically, how can you be there for your loved ones?
I realized, these are some really tough questions to ask yourself. You are probably thinking “This makes sense, but what the heck has it to do with losing weight?”
I am glad you asked. One of the biggest changes you need to do to succeed in losing weight is shifting your mindset. When you go on a diet with the mindset that calorie reduction and an increase in exercise are the answer, your failure rate goes up super high.
You may reach your goal, but you won’t be able to sustain it and may gain all (or possibly more) of your weight back. I should know since I was the queen of yo-yo dieting. Your thoughts are usually focused just on losing weight and not appreciating your body and what it CAN do.
So raise your hand if you can relate to these questions: How many times did you get mad at your body for not losing weight? Blame your body for your plateau? I am raising my hand furiously over here.
Were you supporting yourself or saying positive and supportive words? This mindset, behavior, and actions are not the right way to give you the results you want. You have to begin the process of getting to know and love your body and yourself unconditionally. You have to put yourself first. This may be hard, especially if you are a people pleaser like me. It took me many trials and errors to understand the importance of a self-love mindset.
So now that you have a better understanding of how self-love is defined and why it is important, how can you use it to get the results you want?
HOW TO USE SELF-LOVE
Here are the three key components of self-love:
✦ How you talk to yourself
✦ How you set personal boundaries
✦ How you manage your time
1. How You Talk To Yourself
Let’s start with how you talk to yourself because talking to yourself says a lot.
We use statements that we learned from our childhood that were either directly told to us or we heard it being said to someone else.
Let me give you an example:
As teenagers, when my siblings and I would defy my mom, she would tell us, “This is my house, and you go by rules”. We knew she meant business when she said this to us. Fast forward to 2022 I caught myself saying this exact sentence to my son just a few months ago when he defied me. It was automatic and felt like my mother was speaking through me.
Sometimes, the statements we picked up are very mean. Things like, “You will always be fat,” “You are lazy,” or “You have no willpower”.
Now it’s likely that the person who used to say these to you doesn’t do it anymore. The problem, though, is that you have probably picked up where they left off and started talking to yourself in this way.
So, you need a new way of talking to yourself when you find yourself in a situation that brings out these negative, defeating statements.
Here are some steps you can take to make a change:
1. Talk to yourself as if you were talking to your best friend.
What words of encouragement would you use when she falls off her diet? What is the tone of your voice? Is your tone soothing and supportive?
2. Say an affirmation that brings love and understanding to yourself.
For example, when you feel frustrated that you can’t lose weight, repeat an affirmation that brings calm.
Use something like: “I am worthy of this journey and I love my body for all the gifts it provides me”.
Saying an affirmation reminds you that it is uncomfortable right now, but it will get better and you will love your body no matter what.
3. Write down positive words to replace those negative statements.
Instead of telling yourself, “You have no willpower because you had 2 slices of pizza,” maybe say, “It’s alright I had pizza. I still love myself and I will get back to my healthy eating.”
2. How You Set Personal Boundaries
The second area where you should use self-love is by setting boundaries.
I’m guessing you’ve heard about setting boundaries in the media and maybe even among your friends. If you haven’t heard this term or don’t know what it is, boundaries mean being clear in what you do and don’t what you don’t allow in your personal space (mentally, emotionally, and physically).
Boundaries are often hard for women since we weren’t exactly shown (or should I say given permission) to set up boundaries, especially around family. After all, women are the caregivers. We help nurture, support, and provide love.
Well….boundaries are necessary to provide you with the exact same things! You need to set boundaries to help nurture yourself, as well as provide support and love to yourself too.
How about that for a lightbulb moment, right?
Most of my clients have a hard time with boundary setting. It’s not that easy to say no to others and give themselves the self-care and self-love they need to relax or do something they want to do, but it is needed.
So, what I say to them is the exact same thing I am saying to you now: “Don’t you deserve boundaries that allow you to take care of yourself? “
Think of boundaries as your “rest area”.
A boundary is a place where you can pull over, get out and stretch, and take a breather before heading back on the road.
We all need this option in our lives.
In today’s world, you are balancing being a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, employee, entrepreneur, etc. That is a lot of hats to wear all at once.
Here are some tips on how to set up boundaries without feeling guilty:
1. Love the word NO.
When you say the word “no,” what is your first thought or feeling?
Is it guilt? Are you thinking “I am letting them down?” or “I’m not a good (mom, wife, daughter, or friend) because I am taking care of myself first”. Been there and done that. I know, it feels weird saying no but saying “no” is the exit to your rest area. It allows you to state you are putting your needs in front of their and that is okay.
To help you understand the concept more clearly, here are some real-world situations on how to say “no” without feeling guilty:
✦ A friend asks you if you can pick them up at the airport, it but it’s far from your home and you don’t want to deal with the traffic.
Respond with: “I would normally love to help you, but I can’t get away this time. I can help you set up an Uber account to get you home, though.” This way, you are letting them know that you are not always the go-to person to pick them up and there are other ways they can get home.
✦ You are working on losing weight but your friends or family are pushing you to go out to eat.
It is often hard to refuse, but here is a great way to say it and not feel guilty. “Thanks so much for the invite, but I am really trying to focus on eating at home, so I am going to pass.” You have communicated clearly what your needs are, and that you're putting your health needs first.
✦ Your child asks, “Mom can you do the dishes for me since I have a lot of homework, tomorrow I will do them”.
Your response: “No, I am going for a walk right now or I am going to relax. You can do the dishes after you finish your homework.”
You are letting your child know you need time for yourself and providing an alternative to washing dishes.
✦ A co-worker asks for your help even though you’re too busy.
Your response: “ I can’t right now because I need to finish my own tasks. When I am done with my tasks, though, I’ll reach out to see if you still need my help.”
3. How You Manage Your Time
The third and final area of self-love is how you manage your time. Who wouldn’t love to have more time to do everything on your list?
Time feels elusive when it comes to putting in “me time” because you are busy doing other things. In fact, for many of my clients, the old response was “I know I should be eating healthy, but I don’t have time to learn how to make healthy meals.” Also popular was, “I wish I had time to do some kind of exercise, but with my schedule always changing I can’t right now but when things slow down I will.”
I am sure these statements are true at that moment, but what you are also telling yourself is that you don’t have time for yourself because you’re not a priority yet. You have told yourself that everything else is more important than you. The result? You yourself and feel how you look and how you feel are unrecognizable.
You might have even started looking in the mirror saying comments like, “How did I let myself go this far?” or “When did I look so tired?”It’s not too late to get back time for you, you just need to put yourself on the top of the long list you have.
Before I share my tips around time management, let me refresh your memory on how time is related to self-love. The definition of “time” as it relates to self-love can be 5 minutes or 5 hours. You decide how much time you need each day to give yourself some self-love and schedule that time in your day.
For example, I block out time Monday-Friday from 8-9 AM. I take this to exercise or stay in bed a little longer, take a walk, or write down what I am grateful for. I also take some time each day at twilight when I water my plants and just enjoy being outside.
This self-care time is your time.
The one requirement is that you do this consistently and keep it as a priority. It can be very easy to say to yourself “I will walk later on today” but we all know when happens when we push things off. So stay consistent with taking time for yourself each day and make it a priority.
Here are some tips on how to set time for self-love:
1 . Plan it and keep it
If you are like me, if it isn’t on the calendar, I am not going to do it.
Scheduling time sends yourself a clear message that it is a priority. You can’t say I don’t have time since you already made time to do whatever you want to do.
2. Give yourself permission to say “no”
It’s not surprising that the tips are interrelated, right? So this is where you’re going to want to use your new boundary setting skill.
When we say yes to everybody, our time is being used up for them. So say “no,” and don’t feel guilty.
Your time is NEVER wasted on you.
3. Do something you wanted to do now you have the time.
Do you have a hobby or interest you have been meaning to do but haven’t had the time for?
Now go do it!
I tried ballroom dancing for about a month. I loved the idea of dancing, but I realized it wasn’t for me. I would never have known that if I didn’t make time for myself to discover this.
MY NEW FORMULA FOR WEIGHT LOSS SUCCESS
Self-love is so misunderstood.
When you practice self-love, you are not being selfish, inconsiderate, or rude. Self-care comes from self-love and when you are doing both you are now ready to move forward to lose weight.
Your mindset is in a different place where your decisions are based on your value and worth as opposed to ‘shoulds’ and ‘have to's. You’ll notice the difference when you apply these changes to weight loss or any part of your life where you want to be a healthier you.
There won’t be a tug of war between practicing self-love while also taking care of your family. It will be one holistic piece. A self-love mindset that involves self-care brings a new way to approach weight loss that leads to new results.
Once again, here is the old formula of how we were taught to lose weight: Behavior = Action + Thoughts
Here is my new formula that incorporates self-love:
Thoughts + Feelings + Behavior = Results
Oh and here’s one more thing!
Self-love is not only for losing weight but can be applied to all parts of your life. Try it when you’re looking to reduce stress, balance work/home life, tackle menopause, and just generally approach life differently.
If you are looking for some more tips here’s the link to my new guide, “Top 2 Reasons You Can’t Lose Weight (and What’s Missing for you to be Successful)”. Again this can be applied to any part of your life.
Want support in incorporating self-love into your weight loss routine? Click on the button below to apply!